By Sean Schaefer
Parenting after a separation is never easy. Even when parents want the best for their children, communication challenges, conflicting expectations and the emotional weight of the breakup can make cooperation difficult. How parents choose to structure their parenting relationship can have a significant impact on their children’s well-being — and on their own ability to move forward.
Two approaches often come up in Alberta family law: co-parenting and parallel parenting. While both aim to support children, they are designed for very different situations. Understanding the difference can help parents choose a model that reflects their circumstances and aligns with their children’s needs.
Why Parenting Models Matter After Separation
Divorce or separation can disrupt a child’s sense of stability. According to MentalHealth.com, children often experience a complex mix of emotions, including sadness, worry and confusion. Maintaining predictable routines and reducing parental conflict are key factors that help children adjust.
Alberta courts, guided by the Divorce Act and the Family Law Act, focus on the best interests of the child. One of the most important factors in that analysis is the degree of exposure to conflict. Children who witness ongoing disputes between their parents may experience stress, behavioural issues or difficulty concentrating at school.
This is where parenting models become practical tools. They structure how parents communicate, how they make decisions and how much interaction they have with one another.
What Is Co-Parenting?
Co-parenting is the more commonly understood model. It is built on cooperation, communication and joint decision-making. Parents share information regularly, discuss issues as they arise and coordinate on matters such as bedtime routines, school activities, medical care and extracurricular schedules.
In a co-parenting relationship, parents:
- Communicate openly and respectfully
- Make decisions jointly
- Share information about the child’s daily routines
- Attend school events or medical appointments together when appropriate
- Work toward consistency between households
Co-parenting works best in low-conflict relationships where both parents trust one another and are able to engage in calm, productive discussions.
What Is Parallel Parenting?
Parallel parenting is a structured approach designed for high-conflict situations. Instead of frequent communication, parents minimize direct interaction and operate more independently. Each parent makes day-to-day decisions during their parenting time while major issues may be addressed through written communication or with professional support.
Parallel parenting doesn’t mean parents disengage from their children. It simply provides a framework that protects children from ongoing parental conflict.
In a parallel parenting relationship:
- Each parent manages their own household rules during their parenting time
- Communication is limited to essential matters
- Interaction may occur through email, shared parenting apps or agreed-upon channels
- Transitions between homes are structured to minimize tension
- Decision-making protocols are clear and formalized
Parallel parenting prioritises peace, predictability and distance — allowing children to maintain meaningful relationships with both parents without the stress of frequent parental disputes.
Why Alberta Courts Use Both Models
The Divorce Act (s. 16(3)) requires courts to consider the child’s best interests, including the need to protect them from conflict. The Family Law Act echoes this principle when determining parenting arrangements.Courts may encourage co-parenting where communication is healthy. However, when conflict is persistent, judges often shift toward a parallel parenting model because it:
- Reduces opportunities for confrontation
- Allows each parent to participate meaningfully
- Creates structure and stability
- Protects children from emotional harm
Parallel parenting can be especially helpful in cases involving entrenched disagreements, communication breakdown or concerns related to controlling behaviours.
Major Differences Between the Two Approaches
- Communication Style
Co-parenting: Regular, collaborative conversations
Parallel parenting: Minimal, structured communication - Decision-Making
Co-parenting: Joint discussion and agreement
Parallel parenting: Independent decision-making for day-to-day issues - Level of Contact Between Parents
Co-parenting: Higher contact, sometimes social or shared events
Parallel parenting: Limited contact, often through written tools - Focus and Priorities
Co-parenting: Cooperation
Parallel parenting: Conflict reduction - Best Fit
Co-parenting: Low-conflict separations
Parallel parenting: High-conflict or communication-challenged situations
Understanding these differences helps families choose the approach that best supports their children’s emotional needs.
How to Know Which Model Is Right for Your Situation
There is no single correct approach. Parenting plans should reflect the realities of each family’s dynamics.
Co-parenting may be suitable if:
- Communication is calm and respectful
- Both parents can cooperate on important decisions
- The conflict level is low
- Parents share similar values and routines
Parallel parenting may be more appropriate if:
- Communication often turns into arguments
- One parent feels intimidated or overwhelmed
- The history includes harassment, emotional abuse or coercive control
- Decisions frequently break down despite good intentions
- The children are exposed to tension during exchanges
Alberta courts will assess the family’s circumstances and may recommend counselling, mediation or collaboration to improve communication where possible.
What Should a Parenting Plan Include?
Whether parents choose co-parenting or parallel parenting, a clear parenting plan is essential. Parenting plans outline routines, expectations and decision-making responsibilities. Alberta’s Family Justice Strategy encourages parents to settle parenting issues outside court through negotiation, mediation or collaborative processes.
A typical parenting plan includes:
- Parenting schedules and holiday arrangements
- Decision-making responsibilities
- Communication protocols
- Rules for travel and relocation
- How expenses will be shared
- How disputes will be resolved (e.g., mediation, arbitration)
- Guidelines for transitions between homes
For more information, see: Tips for creating an effective parenting plan.
Transitioning from Parallel Parenting to Co-Parenting
Some families begin with parallel parenting because emotions are high in the early stages of separation. Over time, as communication improves and trust rebuilds, they may shift toward a more collaborative co-parenting structure.
This transition should be gradual. Parents may:
- Increase communication slowly
- Attend counselling or co-parenting workshops
- Use mediation to resolve long-standing issues
- Review the parenting plan annually
The ultimate goal is a healthy environment where children feel supported by both parents.
The Importance of Reducing Conflict for Children
Research consistently shows that parental conflict — not separation itself — poses the greatest risk to children’s emotional well-being. When conflict is minimized, children are more likely to:
- Maintain strong relationships with both parents
- Perform well at school
- Adjust to changing routines
- Feel safe and supported
Choosing a parenting model that reduces conflict is one of the most impactful decisions separated parents can make.
How Demas Schaefer Family Lawyers Can Help
At Demas Schaefer Family Lawyers, we understand how challenging parenting after separation can be. Our team helps Alberta parents develop clear, practical parenting arrangements tailored to their unique circumstances — whether that means co-parenting, parallel parenting or a hybrid approach.
We assist with:
- Drafting and revising parenting plans
- Mediation and collaborative law
- High-conflict parenting disputes
- Court applications for decision-making or parenting time
- Modifying existing orders when circumstances change
We offer a free 15-minute telephone or video consultation to discuss your situation and outline your options.
Contact us today to learn how we can support your family’s transition.