By Jaskiran Bajwa
Parental alienation can tear relationships apart and do long-lasting or even permanent damage to a family.
On the surface, the issue can seem simple enough to understand. According to Psychology Today, parental alienation “occurs when a child refuses to have a relationship with a parent due to manipulation.” However, its existence as a disorder has been extensively debated since 1985 when American child psychiatrist Richard Gardner introduced his theory of parental alienation syndrome (PAS) after witnessing situations where children were being turned against a parent.
Parental alienation can come in a variety of forms and typically takes place during a divorce or custody battle, although it can also be found in intact families.
Although its existence has been chronicled, it is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is the guidebook used to diagnose mental health conditions. However, “some suggest that it could fall under ‘parent-child relational problem’ as one of a set of concerns that may merit clinical attention,” Psychology Today states.
Motivation for any behaviour can be easily misunderstood and parental alienation is no exception. Just because a child prefers to spend time with one parent and not the other doesn’t mean that the resistance is due to alienation. A child might have a good reason for avoiding one parent apart from the undue influence of another.
Families can go through emotional upheaval during a separation and divorce and relationships may be altered. Ensuring the proper care and well-being of your children is important to every parent and at Demas Schaefer Family Lawyers we understand that. If your relationship has ended and you need legal advice, we will work diligently to ensure your rights and the welfare of your children are protected.
What is parental alienation?
An acrimonious breakup can impact everyone in the family and it is not unusual for parents to display alienating behaviour, either consciously or unconsciously.
“In most of these cases, children will align with the parent with whom they primarily reside,” the Department of Justice (DoJ) states. “It is less common for children to become alienated from a parent with whom they reside by a parent with access, though this too can occur.”
A child may be resistant to spending time with one parent due to past experiences, not because they have been specifically influenced by the other parent.
“These cases of justified rejection of a parent are often referred to as situations of justified estrangement,” according to the DoJ. “Indeed, in a large number of cases where intimate partner violence or child abuse is alleged by one parent (usually the mother), the other parent (usually the father) alleges alienation in response. Determining whether a child’s rejection of a parent is due to alienation, estrangement or a combination of factors is a major challenge for child protection agencies and the justice system.”
In a contentious divorce, a parent may attempt to denigrate their former partner in the eyes of their children, either by making false claims or using derogatory terms. Other attempts at alienation could include:
- sharing negative details of the marriage;
- forcing the child to choose between parents;
- making false allegations of domestic abuse;
- referring to the targeted parent by their name instead of mom or dad;
- making negative remarks about the targeted parent’s family;
- monitoring text messages, phone calls or other interactions; and
- offering more appealing plans to discourage the child from spending time with the targeted parent, even if it is their sanctioned time.
‘A pathological phenomenon’
Psychiatric Times reports “parental alienation is a pathological phenomenon in which a child is convinced by one parent that his or her other parent is unworthy and dangerous and should be rejected.”
“The child is convinced through a variety of tactics and maneuvers by the alienating/offending parent. If these maneuvers are successful, the child develops the mental condition of parental alienation,” according to the publication. “Causing parental alienation in a child is on par with physical and sexual abuse.”
However, it should be noted that PAS is not a recognized mental health condition or medical syndrome by professional organizations. In fact, the World Health Organization (WHO) was once urged to include parental alienation in the International Classification of Diseases.
However, the decision “was made not to include the concept and terminology of ‘parental alienation’ in the classification, because it is not a health care term. The term is rather used in legal contexts, generally in the context of custody disputes in divorce or other partnership dissolution,” according to WHO.
Potential long-lasting impact
Parental alienation is “a form of child abuse,” Psychology Today states, and it not only threatens a child’s relationship with the targeted parent but it could have a negative impact on the alienating parent’s own well-being. According to one study reported by the publication, a child could grow up to have mental health issues ranging from thoughts of suicide, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder, according to one study. Some children experienced:
Difficulty relating to peers: Participants reported feeling different from others and being unable to confide their parental alienation experiences with them.
Fear of loss: Most expressed a fear of losing a relationship that caused them to avoid conflicts while in them, as well as trouble entering relationships.
Difficulty trusting: Some had doubts others would support them, which led to them hiding their difficulties.
Dysfunctional and abusive relationships: Adults often choose partners who are as abusive as their alienating parent, sometimes in a desperate effort to feel loved. Others stayed in unhealthy partnerships to avoid being divorced.
Struggling to maintain healthy relationships: Participants stated mental health problems, poor relationship skills and a lack of positive role models that made relationships challenging.
Are you a victim of parental alienation?
Studies have shown that children of divorce typically fare better in life if they are raised by parents who remain amicable. Although someone may be angry or frustrated with their former partner, trying to turn their children against them can lead to problems for all involved. A parent who tries to alienate their ex may even be eventually rejected themselves.
Divorce can be challenging and it can be made even more difficult if you believe your children are being turned against you. You can start to fight back by collecting evidence through texts, emails, social media posts and witnesses. Family court judges understand the pain that parental alienation can cause and the experienced team at Demas Schaefer Family Lawyers can help you present your case in an effective and compelling manner.
Our goal is to provide you with cost-effective and constructive solutions to the problems you are facing. Contact us today for a free consultation.